hilarykeller:

Hilary Keller (

hilarykeller) wrote,
@ 2008-07-18 23:42:00

Current mood:	Fatigued
Current music:	GONTYNA KRY - Krew Naszych Ojców

(21 comments) - (Post a new comment)

	nemecyst 2008-07-19 07:13 am UTC (link)
	Your ass is for sale eh? I have some gutters that need cleaning! Now without joking, and you'll hate this, hang in there, don't quit, it will get better...you're still young. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	hilarykeller 2008-07-19 06:48 pm UTC (link)
	Yep, I'm going to do porn for money, the non-sexual kind though =P Thanks, haven't heard from you in awhile, hope you've been well. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	nemecyst 2008-07-20 12:15 am UTC (link)
	Constantly busy working. That's pretty much it... (Reply to this) (Parent)

	teganmays 2008-07-19 09:24 am UTC (link)
	All beautiful photos =) (Reply to this) (Thread)

	hilarykeller 2008-07-19 06:50 pm UTC (link)
	Gracias señorita =) (Reply to this) (Parent)

the_sundered
2008-07-19 02:15 pm UTC (link)

I've said it before - I can always hook you up with a job at my company if you have the desire. It would likely mean moving and postponing school for a year or two (which may seem utterly abhorrent intially but a lot of people have to do it, truth be told) while you acrue savings, but you'd have garnered some contacts within the science community from it and while you might not be doing exactly what I do, I can assure you that your position needn't be relegated to sitting behind a desk. Just something to consider and I'll leave it at that. Plus, I'd get a bonus for refering you if you were hired and you'd be welcome to it. But as you probably won't take me up that offer, I can only express my best wishes for overcoming the obstacles you have ahead of you. I empathize sincerely. I remember getting out of college and every damned job posted was "Masters required. PhD prefered." As for the credit/loan issues. The only way to get credit is to build it. Even if you don't have much cash. Get yourself a credit card. Just charge for the things you would normally pay for with cash (Cigs and gas and whatnot) and always pay off those costs each month so no interest is tacked on. Do that long enough and your credit rating will start to grow. However, I'm a bit of a hypocrit when it comes to financial advisement, so I'll shut it now.

And out of habit, I WAS editing while I read, but saw no mistakes of note. See? You can function on little sleep just as well as I. *drools and falls over*

Greatly enjoyed our conversation last night. Hope you're managing some worthy sleep. Laters. :)

Oh, and I might be up for buying a print. The decor in my place has gotten a tad redundant of late.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

hilarykeller
2008-07-19 07:15 pm UTC (link)

You have offered this before, and it is still tempting. I wish I could just up and leave CA. Your company is exciting (even the bite marks you come home with) I wouldn't mind sitting behind a desk, if I wasn't in school. But, I am in school and have been since day one, so it would almost feel like failure to have that kind of job. My sister worked as a receptionist and made a butt load of cash and loved her job - that's what she wanted to do, and I see no qualms in that.

Do what you love. Period.

The only "skill or qualifications" I have really right now are passing and accomplish Medical Terminology, Disease & Disorder Terms Courses with 90%, RN "course training" and being proficient in a wide variety of Medical Courses with above 90%. The rest are all course units, and go toward a degree that isn't good enough to work where you work. I haven't been formally trained in opening a body, taking blood and practice-trachs aren't really that needed in pathology =P I still need the field work and training, with a degree behind it to say I am fit to open up a body. But thank you, that's why I need to achieve in the next couple of years. I Really Need The Field Work, before anyone will hand me tools and tell me to get to work.

I had a credit Card, yep awhile ago - I have credit but my family unfortunately does not have good credit right now AND they are being sued by a plumbing supply company... so, I think that writes them off totally for backing me up with a signature. It's so ridiculous I had to ask Bryan's Mom to come with me to the financial Aid center at my school, having her pose as my mom, for various reasons I will explain to you later. I don't know why everything requires a parent - I have tried to get everything taken care of, but everyone needs a fucking "superior signature". It just sucks, I am back at home - I feel like I had it more together financially when I was 18-19. I surely had money then.

Bryan's family is pretty much taking care of us right now. I feel horrible about it. Naturally Bryan doesn't mind, He doesn't care about shit like this, but I can't do it anymore, I have to get us out of this hole.

It's July 19th. I have awhile until class starts. I have some time. I'll figure it out, I always do.

Yes, it was very interesting to see you on WoW for THAT long. You out-beat me! Well, I get bored with it easily now that I have a 70. I came, I saw, I conquered. Hurry up and LvL so we can do BG's together. Actually... you can do AV right now, since 61-70 can do AV. Also, I don't know if I can even afford to pay for the game monthly now... Bryan had to put it on his card, sigh. Do I -really- need to spend 15 bucks a month for THAT? Maybe I'll have to put it on pause after this month is up, we'll see.

Thanks again for your advice. I really appreciate the kindness of your words.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

the_sundered
2008-07-19 10:17 pm UTC (link)

Ah yes, the days when banks wouldn't give out money sans a cosignitary unless one had the credit in their eyes to cover the expense. I recall them well. Blech. The banks looooove me now...and I despise their seductive ways - the joys of good credit from high debt. Heh.

As for the career, I do understand your logic here. However, don't sell yourself short in regards to feeling hemmed in by the need for a formal education. Not that you don't require one obviously, but realize that I sure as hell didn't have any practical schooling or job experience toward the position I'm employed in now (which shall remain unnamed as other eyes are upon us) back when I was first hired. My background was in literature, speculative sciences (for lack of a better term...and that's another story altogether I've not yet shared with you), historical archaeology, and forensic anthropology. Not exactly the skills one races for when they choose to hire people for my current field. I just got lucky. I was laid off. I knew a postdoc at U of M. He said, "I'll get you a job doing [this]." I replied, "Dude, I have absolutely no idea how to do [that]." He said, "I don't care. I'm hiring you anyway." Heh. It's all a matter of dilegance and work ethic. Life is happenstance and experience often means precious little. Hell, most of the people I work with are straight out of college and look like they're still in high school. A degree is really all it takes anymore. Unless you want the hard science - which you do - in which case...yes...further education is a must...I'm rambling, aren't I? Meh. I suppose these are issues we can discuss later. As you said, you'll figure it out and I trust that truth. I'm glad though that my impressive wisdom *guffaws* is appreciated.

In any case, hope to speak with you again soon. Before you're swamped with school, we need a proper phone call (been ages) or webcam date. I bought my bloody webcam because you talked me into it and nine months later I've used it once with you and like three times with Alanna. :P

Later, Hil.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

bloodburden
2008-07-19 09:39 pm UTC (link)

I had to read this post twice to remember what you wrote (Still dealing with slight memory loss) & so that I could organize my thoughts to be able to leave a comment.

I admire how you are so driven towards your studies/career/& everything you are passionate about. You keep going no matter how hard it gets & you never stop, you'll never stop - you never settle for less & that's the way it always should be. I hope that you are soon able to get a job to pay your bills I can imagine how tough that must be. How did the MRI's come out? Are you still going to have to wear glasses? I hope that your health has been better.

The pictures you took of Mary are beautiful I almost thought that she had a tattoo on her back in the first picture but then realized that it's her dress or blouse. I thought that I was just about done with school till they told me that I had several incomplete grades. I put in a claim of my grades to see if maybe the school itself made an error when printing out my grades but I still haven't heard anything from them. <3

(Reply to this) (Thread)

hilarykeller
2008-07-19 11:03 pm UTC (link)

Thanks for taking the time to read this entry, under your current circumstances. I wasn't aware of your memory troubles?

The MRI's showed my pituitary gland is enlarged. The first showed that it could be a microadenoma (tumor; non-cancerous) so they needed a second to confirm. This was troubling because that mean mean It would be the second tumor in my body so I was concerned. They scheduled a second one with contrast, I was injected with contrast and had to have a 15 minute MRI, then a 30 Minute one with the dye injection. It tasted like metal, and felt like my body was burning up. I was given a cookie though (and the cookie was really cute it was inside a paper where someone had actually taken an MRI of a sugar cookie) It made my day. So, after the second MRI, they scheduled a blood test to test my hormone levels and found I have an over-excessive level of Adrenaline, and another one that stimulates growth which I can't remember right now. So my results confused them, my blood didn't match up with my MRI's so they referred me to an endocrinologist, and I never went. They said the second MRI appears to just be an enlargement of the gland, not actually a tumor. But I don't know for sure, I never followed up.

Then, I was told it's my vision and I need glasses. And my gut truly feels that's the case. I am starting to have poor vision I can't see far away, and when I read books I have to hold them far back because too close is blurred but too far is hard as well. *shrug*

Plus, the headaches are a lot better now, and they go away instantly with a couple shots of espresso. (I also think it's stress and poor sleeping) I'm burning myself out, working myself on mental overload and constantly running on vapors. I've been sleeping better lately, eating a lot more, and feeling really confident about my body which has helped significantly. My body is finally at a good size, and I'm starting to realize a big behind is a good thing =) Ha,Ha. My goal is 110-115. I'm still in the high 90's. I love having to eat so much, I can't believe I complain that I HAVE to eat a lot, I think I take that for granted. My mom is really small too, so it's just genetic.

Mary is striking, she has glorious features. She and I have had a lot of fun together, she's very spontaneous as well so when we make plans it's hard to stick to one idea because we both say "Whatever happens, happens let's do it all" Ha,Ha plus we go out to eat a lot, and that helps my diet in a good way ^^ She wants to take me to a Museum in Amsterdam this year, I think you'd be interested in it, too. It's an anatomical, medical Museum. I'll find a link and send it to you soon.

Thanks again for the kindness of your words. How much longer have you in school? what do you want to do after college?

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

bloodburden
2008-07-19 11:50 pm UTC (link)

I think that the memory loss is a side-effect of the meds. It get's annoying especially in class when I have to tell my Teacher to repeat everything several times.

I once ended up going to an endicronologist when I had the gastritis & nausea problems. When they did the cat scan on me I got injected with some orange stuff (is that the contrast?) & my body was also burning & I felt like I had to pee like a bitch, lol. The cookie & the little bag also would have made me smile;)

Hopefully it's not a tumor I pray that it's not a tumor or anything of that sort & that it just is that you have to wear glasses. I just want you to be happy & healthy. I have to change my prescription my eyesight seems to grow worse everday. When I first realized I needed glasses I would get headaches so it is most likely that. How did you do to start sleeping better? I was having a great sleeping pattern & these past few nights I haven't been sleeping well at first I thought it was the Coke I had been drinking but last night I didn't drink any Coke & had the same problem.

Stress can cause a large amount of things it is thine enemy. Do you weigh enough to be able to do the clinical trials now? I'm happy that your feeling happy about your body & that you are finally gaining weight. I also love eating I think I could live on cheesecake & ice cream (that's not really food but still...)

It's good that you have Mary to hang out with I haven't seen Cynthia since last quarter she got into studying Psychology & is really busy with that. Please do send me the link when you find it, sounds like a lot of fun. The museums in Panama suck they aren't at all like the ones in the States or other Countries. I loved going to Dinosaur museums & Natural History Museums when I went to Ohio so many years ago.

Your most welcome. Well everyone keeps asking me the same question (How much longer will I be in school?) & I really don't know how to answer that because I have no idea especially now that I might have to repeat some classes I still have to get a practice job & do my thesis & I still don't know what to do it on. The only thing that I can really think of doing after finishing college is working & waiting for Miguel to propose so that we can get married.

Can having an over-excessive level of Adrenaline be bad? I've always thought of Adrenaline as a good thing. Thanks so much for cheering me up today I am feeling so much better:D I hope you are feeling just as good.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

hilarykeller
2008-07-21 12:37 am UTC (link)

Oh wonderful! You know my thoughts on prescription drugs in regards to SSRI's or MAOI's. I don't believe in anti-depressants, unless it's certainly dire or for something like schizophrenia. I just think they block off the part of the brain that is trying to work out whatever neuroses you may experience, and when you have those types of drugs there - you can't work yourself out. In fact more suicides and malfunctions happen while a person is on a anti-depressant.

I really hope to see you off them soon. Since I've know you those drugs have done nothing but make you sick.

Contrast varies, mine was colorless. I've noticed all the times I've had an IV they cut it with saline to ease the other medications along, and all that saline just goes right through me, instantly and they never let you get up and use the bathroom. They've always insisted a cath, and I hate cath's. They are the shittest fucking things Period.

Stress and various other living conditions have highly contributed to about 80% of my freak-illnesses. I noticed though, around the time a few years ago when my family decided it was a good idea to start putting Prozac, and lexapro in my tea and my drinks - a lot of my headaches started. I had been poisoned for about a month unknowingly, until one day when Bryan was over and I saw my own mom putting a pill in my drink - he saw it too. Those kinds of pills aren't for me, I don't have depression, or anything but anxiety and normal stress. So I refused to take them but my family thought they would help and all it did was make me incredibly sick for a long time not knowing why I always felt ill. It was probably the worst betrayal of trust. I constantly worry about my drinks now, if I leave my cup around when I'm at my parents house I dump it out and make a whole new drink. Pitiful. It made me start researching Munchausen syndrome. Moving back home was the worst idea, which is why I stay with Bryan again now. Even though he leaves farther from my schools. I'd rather drive extra than remember what it feels like to be drugged up, and a zombie.

There is a lot of good in my life, my family means well - but sometimes loved ones try to poison you with their love, violating your personal beliefs. I can't be like that, I can't understand that reasoning.

With school it's really hard to pick an exact time when you'll be graduating, because everything is changing and new courses begin, and money this and that - so don't worry about it to much, just don't take any real long breaks. I always try to take 2-4 courses only at a time. Especially when your taking Math or Science courses, with labs those courses alone are consuming. I really like College, I love my school & I enjoy about 85% of my professors so it's always something to look forward to. I will probably be a little depressed when I finish up at Chabot. I've been there the longest.

An over-excess of ANYthing is bad. Moderation is key to maintain your body, you can even overdose on vitamins. Your body has a lot of processes going on at one time so when you do something even as simple as over-eating; that can harm you or even create digestion problems. Digestion is a major body process. I once made myself sick by over-consuming too much iron, I didn't have much fluid in my body either which made it worse. I never used to drink water, and I got kidney stones, then I started drinking too much water and that was making me feel off as well, everything has to be moderated. I try to listen to my body when I'm hungry if I am craving peanut butter - I'll guess that craving is my bodies way of saying it wants protein, and if I crave something sweet - I guess it means I need glucose. Though the sweets we eat aren't always the best, but the body needs glucose; it's the highest source of energy. That's why plants make their own with photosynthesis. We can actually learn a lot about ourselves from plants =P

Adrenline is good, and bad. Too much of it; creates things like anxiety, fast heart rates, running on over-drive. Etcera.

I'm pleased to read your feeling good today darling. I love knowing that You are well, tell Miguel I say Hello and that he should convert to WoW so you guys can come play with Bryan & me!

xxoo

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

bloodburden
2008-07-21 06:21 am UTC (link)

I do also believe that anti-deppresants are of no use unless you really have something severe but even then it just fucks you up more I would imagine that a schizo get's more visions/hears voices while on medication then without it. I thought that I'd feel strange as the Dr. lowered the dosage because that usually happens but thankfully I'm feeling great sometimes I'm spacey headed but that's about it & if he's lowered it as much as he has now I'm pretty sure that in no time I won't have to take them anymore of course I'll never tell the Dr. that I don't need them because then he'd start to speculate so I just go with the flow I know who I am, & how I feel I think nobody know's me as well as myself & of course Miguel.

I don't remember what it's like to be off meds because I've been on them for so long I wonder what I'll feel like when I am finally off them. Cath as in Catheter? The many times I've gotten IV's the nurse usually fucks up & my arm get's all swollen I hope to never get sick again. Does your family think your depressed? That's fucked up if my Mom ever did that to me I'd feel horrible. I think your better off staying at Bryan's as you are now. How did you deal when you got sick? Withdrawal symptoms are horrible & I can imagine that it was worse for you because at the beginning you didn't even know why you were getting sick till you saw them dropping the pills in your drinks. Our Parents always want the best for us but I think that half of the time what they think is right for us isn't.

I would have loved to study criminology but I don't think I would have been able to deal with taking math & science courses because I'm simply not good at either subject so that's why I opted for graphic design but before even thinking of graphic design I always wanted to be a singer in a metal band. I hope that with time I will get better at designing & I also have to learn to be a lot quicker because when you are working you have to be really quick. And I know I'll be forced to design things not to my liking. I'm just going to take it easy & finish up with school even though nowadays going to school is a routine I've started to dread & I imagine that it's mostly because my friends that were in my class are now finishing & I'm not I'm stuck with a new group & I don't get along well with them except like 2 people in my class.

When you leave Chabot you should always go back & visit I always say I'm going to go back to my old High School & visit my teachers but I never do I hope that the day that I do decide to go they all haven't left already. I try to drink 8 glasses of water a day not just because I love water but because it also helps clean my system so that the meds don't affect me as much & that natural health vitamins I take require you to drink 8 glasses of water a day or supposedly they have no effect.

I always crave chocolate when I eat something salty. When I eat a lot or eat to fast I get stomach aches so I try to eat moderately. I don't know much about plants because I never really payed attention when I took biology but whenever my Sister calls me she always tells me something regarding biology/science/ or the environment since she's a Scientist herself. Forgive me I'm rambling far to much. It makes me happy each time I see a message from you, you are a great friend whom I'm glad to have.

Miguel's sleeping right now I'll tell him you said Hello in the morning. If I hopefully get my computer upgraded I hope to play WoW with you & Bryan. Hageera told me that there are free WoW servers, have you heard of that before?

XoXo.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	papajoemambo 2008-07-20 12:39 am UTC (link)
	Tons to tell you as well - so happy the academics are working out. Can't wait til you have an MD or PhD after your name, Bunyun. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	hilarykeller 2008-07-21 12:41 am UTC (link)
	That's Misses Dr. Keller to you! (In like hella years...) Dun, Dun, Dun. =) (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	papajoemambo 2008-07-21 12:49 pm UTC (link)
	Doctor Mrs Hillary The Monarch's Wife... (Reply to this) (Parent)

	milkdevotchka 2008-07-20 05:38 am UTC (link)
	hello :) I'm relatively new to your journal but I read the original entry and it didn't sound very rant-y! Anyway I love the photos and hope everything with school works out for you! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	hilarykeller 2008-07-21 12:55 am UTC (link)
	Hello =) Ah, thanks a lot! (also thanks for actually reading that whole thing!) I felt guilty airing dirty laundry =P I hope I am correct here, but I think I remember you from working at Starbucks, right? (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	milkdevotchka 2008-07-22 03:09 am UTC (link)
	Aww well sometimes it just helps to type things out to organize thoughts :) Yes I used to work at Starbucks in San Jose and stopped and then moved to Virginia because my Dad was sick andddd ended up working for Starbucks again! haha Starbucks always sucks you back in it's like you can't work there just once. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	dusks_requiem 2008-07-20 11:30 pm UTC (link)
	I think I've seen her around at clubs. How long are you here for. (Reply to this)

	mercurial_shift 2008-07-23 08:45 pm UTC (link)
	Gah. I waited too long. I intended on reading your journal before but between it being some ungodly hour in the morning and my boyfriend being over at the time, I didn't get the chance to. All I can say is that I hope things are going better for you (I did catch parts of it) or that they will soon, and lovely photos. (Reply to this)

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